I love pirate shanties/chanteys/chanties/chooseyourspelling. I played in an Irish Folk/Sea Shanty duo for a few years. I’m also very much on the anti-sexism train. So stumbling across this mashup by Key and Peele had me clapping, giggling, and signing along by the end of it.
Enjoy. And remember, don’t be a dick…
I once met a lass so fine,
she was drunk on barley wine
I’d been to sea for months a-three,
I knew I could make her mine
And the lass was past consent, so it was off with her we went.
We threw her in bed and rested her head and we left because that’s what gentlemen do.
A woman has a right to a drink or two without worrying what you will do.
We say ‘yo ho’ but we don’t say ‘ho’ because ‘ho’ is disrespectful yo.
There once was a gal from Leeds who I heard was good on her knees.
So I docked my ship for an overnight trip to take care of all my needs.
She was fine as the tales did tell and my mast began to swell,
so I laid her down and raised her gown and performed cunnilingus for an hour or so.
I once had a woman so fair whose womb contained my heir.
With a son by my side, the seas we’d ride, the child she would bear.
But my girl she was no fool.
She was working her way through school.
So I did support when she chose to abort because it’s her body and therefore her choice.
No we don’t say booty unless we’re talking about gold,
we don’t look at chests unless there treasure holds.
With a hat and a feather and a cutlass on our hip, we’ll never say ‘she’ when we’re talking about a ship.
We don’t say ‘bitch’ and we don’t say ‘whore’ because that language leads to things like body dysmorphia.