The only thing weirder than John Malkovich playing Blackbeard is his lack of a black beard

J.M. Aucoin . History, Movies/TV, Pirates, Pirates/Nautical 3470

I haven’t heard much about Crossbones other than it’ll be on NBC and John Malkovich will be starring as the most infamous pirate of them all — Blackbeard.

The first image we got from the show was OK, but early images are usually meh at best. But at least Malkovich had a black beard — albeit a short one, a far cry from the woodcuts and engravings — and a bandana.

Blackbeard Crossbones

The new image that has come out is well…. something…


Just screams Blackbeard, eh? Here’s the rest of the cast.

Crossbones - Season 1

Malkovich looks like he’s on vacation at a really bad tropical hotel in Orlando. In fact, the costumes in general are pretty suspect. Are they wearing shorts? And is that dude top left wearing construction boots?

Gotta say, having Blackbeard not have a black beard is a bold character choice.

Maybe not the right one… but a bold one, nonetheless…

By all accounts, Edward Teach was about 38 when he did. Malkovich is 60, which isn’t a big deal if they didn’t give him a tiny white beard and a shaved head. He doesn’t come off as the scariest, most infamous pirate to sail during the Golden Age of Piracy. The costumes also look kinda half-assed. Or something.

All I know is that Crossbones better be about Blackbeard finding a toupee and beard dye or I’m done.

Not sure what NBC is going for. Guess we’ll have to wait and find out.

EDIT: NBC just released a trailer for Crossbones.

J.M. Aucoin

Author. Fencer. Sometimes actor. Full-time nerd. I write swashbucklers & historical adventure novels.